Thursday, October 1, 2009

Dear Yoplait: Big Machine Questions Your Advertising Choices.

One of the many, many great adventures I had while I was away was taking a trip to the doctor's office to have my blood taken and probed. About a week later I received a startling phone call from the doctor: I had been diagnosed as having a serious medical condition known as "being fat." I was shocked. I had no idea! Evidently, my cholesterol level was what tipped him off, because you'd never know by looking at me:

Where do I keep it, right? Usually in my head, I say.

Rather than giving me a magic pill, the doctor recommended a bizarre, alternative treatment known as "eat less fat, more fiber, and exercise."

Fine. I've been doing okay with the first two, not so good with the third, but I'm getting there. One of the things I bought, using a buttload of coupons (that's an industry term) I wrangled several 4 packs of Yoplait's Fiber One.

I brought one of the 4 packs to keep at work, and around mid-morning broke the box open to eat some. Before I did that, I noticed that on the box is the Fiber One mascot, a cartoon woman named "Hungry Girl."

No doubt this Fiber One will keep me filled up, then. Because clearly if Yoplait recognizes that women get hungry, and need something filling to eat to get them through the workday, then Fiber One will be an excellent choice. Despite what most of us know about the effects of eating a cup of yogurt. This yogurt will be different. Substantial. Ready to take on the appetite of the women of North America, as represented by Hungry Girl.

I took the cup out of the container, then immediately handed it to one of my coworkers, along with a dollar for size comparison:

We then went all over the office, showing people the Hungry Girl box, then the actual cup. Everyone was equally derisive, almost offended by the idiocy of the ad.

Hungry Girl. Yeah. That oughta do it.

Good thinking, Yoplait.


*An aside here, added purely for the purpose of science: Fiber One has 5 grams of fiber in each 4 oz cup. Therefore, if you are actually hungry, and eat, say, three of them, you will poop. A lot. With a certain sense of urgency. With fear, almost, if the bathroom is on the opposite side of the office from your cubicle. I say this only to help.